Funny things

Singing moose llamas

Funny things

Tumbling

Random story generator!!

"Suicide hotline.......please hold"

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Much to his Mum
                                                      and Dad's dismay, Horace ate himself one day

He didn't stop to say his grace, he just sat down and ate his face

"We can't have this!" his Dad declared, "If that lad's ate, he should be shared!"

But even as he spoke they saw, Horace eating more and more

 First his legs and then his thighs, his arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes

"Stop him someone!" Mother cried,
                                                      "Those
                                                      eyeballs would be better fried!"

 But H. was on his second course, his liver and his lights and lung,

his ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue

"To
                                                      think I raised him from the cot, and now he's going to scoff the lot!"

 His mother cried "What shall we do? What's left won't even make a
                                                      stew!"

And as she wept, her son was seen to eat his head, his heart, his spleen

 And there he lay, a boy no more,
                                                      just
                                                      a stomach on the floor

None the less, since it was his, they are it, that's what haggis is.

King Chess Piece Falling

What would be like if your friends were inside the big brother house! hmmmmmm....the possibilities...........

P.O.E.T.S.

Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that
always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here
is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!

1. When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) and
help you plot revenge against the sorry ba^H^Hperson who made you sad.

2. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain.

7. When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't
want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my
friend!

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

   Had a bad day?    It could have been way worse - as these statistics
prove ...

   * 3 people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

   * 142 people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new
   shirts.

   * 58 people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
   screwdrivers.

   * 31 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while
   the fairy lights were plugged in.

   * 19 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
   decorations were chocolate.

   * Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
   accidents.

   * 101 people since 1997 have had to have broken-parts of plastic toys
   pulled out of the soles of their feet.

   * 18 people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit
   cigarette in their mouth.

   * A MASSIVE 543 PEOPLE WERE ADMITTED TO A&E IN THE LAST TWO YEARS
   AFTER OPENING BOTTLES OF BEER WITH THEIR TEETH.

   * 5 people were injured last year in accidents involving out of
   control   Scalectrix cars.

   And finally,
   * 8 people cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep while
   throwing up into the toilet.

and that's what i thought........