Our band is called………………Gazebo

(Style: punk rock metal alternative hip-hop funk)

Starring:

Emski– lead vocals and triangle

Shpolfie – drums and sound effects

Helanshki – vocal and spoons

*opening for* – lead guitar

Loza – house wrapper

Track list for the first album “Pop up tent”:

Gazebo (intro)

We like Ubechenstein

Piss take (sticky eye) skit

Quainton

Scott, Lee and Frankie

Ladle land and half moon

Suck it baby (Holly Caroline’s)

Red route 9

We missed the train

Mikey baby

Evanasscence (K Y jelly)

Jesus in a suit (and the pants didn’t match)

Song of the northerners

You never know where to look while eating banana

Keen for Kian

Evan-ass-ence

Verse 1

How can you stick it in my ass

Like an open door

Leading you down into my rectum

Where I’ve become so numb

It hurts so much (it hurts so much)

Like someone stabbing at me hard

But I like it more and more

In………side………my ass

Chorus

(Pick it up) Stick it in my ass

(I’ll pick in up) Please don’t go to fast

(Shove it) Shove it where does not shine

(Pick it up) Give it to me large

(I’ll pick it up) Whilst we’re on a barge

(Shove it) Make sure that it penetrates the hole

Verse 2

Where did you get the dildo from?

Was it in a shop? Please

Tell me that you’ll lubricate

For smooth access

Repeat chorus

(Pick it up) Stick it in my ass

(I’ll pick in up) Please don’t go to fast

(Shove it) Shove it where does not shine

(Pick it up) Give it to me large

(I’ll pick it up) Whilst we’re on a barge

(Shove it) Make sure that it penetrates the hole

Give it to me

I’ve been living it large, whilst on this barge

Give it to me

I’ve been living it large

Thrusting (thrusting) inside with all your cum

Di dum di dum…………………darling

Only you can provide the K Y to line my ring

All of this time I can’t believe you didn’t know

That I was giving it to another man ho

How could you do that to me now?

You’ve been sticking it in another cow

Without your momma

Without a rubber

Without a ho

Don’t let me jizz here

You’ve got to take control

GIVE IT TO ME

Chorus

(Pick it up) Stick it in my ass

(I’ll pick in up) Please don’t go to fast

(Shove it) Shove it where does not shine

(Pick it up) Give it to me large

(I’ll pick it up) Whilst we’re on a barge

(Shove it) Make sure that it penetrates the hole

Give it to me

I’ve been living it large, whilst on this barge

Give it to me…………………in my ass……………yeah……………

We like Ubechenstein

(To the tune of ‘Go West’ aka ambrosia advert)

We like a the qui-men in Ubechenstein,

We like a the England in Ubechenstein

We like a the sof-ski in Ubechenstein

We like a the chicken in Ubechenstein

We like a the mac-a-donald in Ubechenstein

We like a the shex-she in Ubechenstein

We like a the instant lunch in Ubechenstein

We like a the slug heads in Ubechenstein

We like a the Boris in Ubechenstein

Jesus in a suit (and the pants didn’t match)

I saw Jesus in a suit today

And he wore those funky sandals

But those pants

Oh those pants

They just didn’t match his jacket

They were like blue and black

God would have cried ‘cause of that fact

But those pants

Oh those pants

They just didn’t match at all

And you would have thought

All his teachings

Could have bought him a proper suit

But no, oh no, I saw Jesus in a suit today

And those pants just didn’t match

And it’s Jesus (oh it’s Jesus)

Beard and all

In a suit (in a god damn suit)

But those pants (oh those damn pants)

They just (oh they just)

Made him look……………………………

Like a twat!

Keen for Kian

K…………k………k………k………k………kian

I’m so keen for Kian!

My love for him is obscene, I don’t care, coz it’s Kian

On the bus is where he be seen

His name is fit bus dude ………… but we call him Kian.

K…………k……………k…………k……………k………kian

I’m so keen for Kian!

His jeans are so clean coz we did it on a washing machine

He’s hung like a man ………………but he’s only a teen

I would give him my only spleen, coz I’m keen for Kian.

K…………k………………k……………k………k…………kian

I’m so keen for Kian!

He is so fit and lean

I think his dad might be called Dean

I’d really like to suck him off…………that would be obscene

But lets not get dirty now keep our song clean

*Drum solo by Sophie*

For my children I want his genes and every night I could feed them beans but I’m not that mean, coz I’m keen for Kian!

K…………k……………k…………k……….k……………kian

I’m so keeeeeeeeeeeeen foooooooooor kkkkkkkiiiian! Yeah!

*New album* “Condiments and Foetuses” tracks include:

End of the tube

The chicken song

Doner kebab

Butlins red coat

Craziest things

Sugary foetuses (skit)

Pitcher/Picture of Coke

End of the tube (to the tune of boyz2men-end of the road)

Spoken: Girl, there’s only a bit left

I think we used half a gallon

With my penis like this

I want it forever baby, you just see

We belong together

Since I found you last night

We need to get some lube

Because you’re so tight

Said I’d go to savers

But I forgot

How could you think that I’d get it for you

To lube up my scrot

So just run to the shop, buy a multi pack box

Each time I try, I just can’t get inside

Pain in my hey! I’d rather be gay

Sticking it to you each day.

Chorus: although we’ve come to the end of the tube

We have run out of lube

It’s unnatural, I belong in you, so just squeeze the tube

Although we’ve come to the end of the tube

We have run out of lube

It’s unnatural, I belong in you, so just squeeze the tube

Girl I know you really want it

Deep inside your hole

We did this last week and

You said you’d liked it from my pole

Maybe we could use butter

Maybe we could use cement

Or some kind of salad dressing

But you said, “just get bent”

You want me again like you wanted me before

This time you want me to put it back door

This time instead you want double penetration

So I’ll meet you at the petrol station

Chorus

Spoken: girl, I thought of using glue

But I thought no ‘cause we’d get stuck together

We’d be walking around, with me in your hole

Baby I know it’s not worth it

Lube costs less than a fiver and it’s on special offer

Buy one get one free

I’m not gonna go and sleep with another chick

Just ‘cause you’re so dry and it hurts my dick

Hey, I love deep penetration

And I’m still gonna be doing it when I’m 57

‘Cause when we lube it up, I know I’m in heaven

‘Cause, right now, I’m just in so much pain baby,

‘Cause you just won’t come for me

Will you just come for me?

(Lube it)

Go to the shop

(Lube it)

Yes, run to the shop

(Lube it…ohhh)

Just get in your canoe

This time instead just put down the bread

And pick up the lube instead

Chorus

Doner kebab (to the tune of wannabe by the spice girls)

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna doner kebab

If you got the munchies

You gotta get to a van

If you’re craving kosher, that’s not japan

Now don’t go wasting your cash on chips

Get your change together so you can have a dip

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna doner kebab.

If you wanna quench your hunger

You gotta buy a doner kebab

When you’re drunk and wasted

It’s the best food you can have

Just come out the local

Stumbling down the road

It tastes nice then you feel sick

And then you blow your load

What do you think about meat that is drenched in hot sauce?

Say you can handle the heat, are you a horse?

You know it’s tasty, give it a try

If you really hate it then I’ll say goodbye

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna doner kebab.

Rap: here’s the story from A to B

You want a doner kebab not a KFC

We got a fiver in change; don’t think I’m strange

Got pitta bread or you can have it on naan

Tasty grub doesn’t come for free, you ain’t no lasy

And as for beer, ah you’ll see

Swish you lager round and slam you doner down

If you wanna quench your hunger

You gotta buy a doner kebab

When you’re drunk and wasted

It’s the best food you can have

Just come out the local

Stumbling down the road

It tastes nice then you feel sick

And then you blow your load

If you wanna quench your hunger, it’s hotter, it’s hotter, it’s hotter, it’s hotter, when you’re drunk and wasted, swish swish swish swish,
Swish you lager round and slam you doner down

Swish you lager round and slam you doner down

Swish you lager round and don-a-kebab

If you wanna quench your hunger

Craziest things (to the tune of “my favourite things” from “The Sound Of Music”)

Condiments and foetuses with tea towels and man hoes

Cream cakes and French men and goats without giblets

Crucifixes on moose’s, kitten fur balls with jam

These are a few of my craziest things

Mustard and band-aids and condoms and lip-gloss

Church bells and doorframes and jet skis with jubblies

Footpaths and toasties with saris and cream

These are a few of my craziest things

Bubble wrap with nipples and doorbells and bum cheeks

Scrotums and turnips, jukeboxes and turkeys

Fridges with grass stains, baked beans in your dad

These are a few of my craziest things

When your mum farts, when you cook chips and the smell of cheese

I simply remember my craziest things and then I get rubbed by fleas

Repeat all and fade