Singing moose llamas



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One for the ladies

Hope it makes you laugh

*******The Top Ten Men!!********

1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll
love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out to soon, you'll lose
interest"
7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice

~*17 Female Rules*~
1.The female makes the rules.

2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.

3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.

4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5.The female is never wrong.

6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do, or did not say.

7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.

8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.

9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.

10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.

11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.

13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.

14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.

15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.

16.If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavios she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.

17.Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.


Q: What must a woman do when a man is running  around in circles?
A:  Re-load and carry on shooting.
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Q: Why can't men get mad cow  disease?
A:  Because it only attacks the brain
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Q: What do you call an intelligent,  good-looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
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Q: What was the first man on the  moon?
A:  A good start.
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Q: A couple is lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to  make you the
happiest woman in the world"
A: The woman says: "I'll  really miss you"
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Q: What takes  longer to make, a snowman or a snowwoman?
A: A snowman, because you have to hollow  out the headfirst
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Q: Why do most  men have a beer belly?
A: So that his best friend has a roof over his  head.
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Q: What is the  difference between a Yeti and an intelligent man?
A: It is  believed that a Yeti has been sighted.
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Q: Why are  married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in  the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go  to the fridge.
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Q: What's the  fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp  knife.
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Q: How can you  tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
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Q: Why is it so  hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good   looking?
A: Because those men already have  boyfriends.
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Q: When would  you want a man's company?
A: When he owns it.
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Q: How many men  does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if you spread them very  thinly.
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Q: What are a  woman's four favorite animals?
A: A mink in her wardrobe, a Jaguar in the garage, a  tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it
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Q: How do you  get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his  toes.