How to start your own motion
Ever thought about starting your own religion? Well, you can start a new motion
to keep you and your friends amused for at least two weeks. If you stay amused any longer than that then you may have started
something big! Go you! Yus! Result!
- Buy a notebook so that you
can keep record of your new motion. Alternatively, use bits of random paper to write things down on, then staple them together
or just keep them in your pocket.
- Find at least two friends
to help you with your mad-capped scheme.
- Open a dictionary, bible
or encyclopaedia on any page. On this page find a word that appeals to you. This is what your motion can be based on. E.g.
you open a dictionary and you see the word cabbage. Therefore, you should base everything you do from now on with cabbages.
- Find a shrine or a leader.
They can be a person you know or a random thing. They can even be a made up name that you only speak about with your mad-capped
helpers, so its all hush hush. Using the cabbage example, your shrine/leader is now a cabbage, which is now all holy and great
so if you kill a cabbage it is an ultimate sin. Also invent an enemy or a weakness, one who can destroy everything you have
worked for. This way your religion can end and you can be terrified of someone/something that doesnt exist
- Think up a mission statement.
Your motion needs a purpose. E.g. To save cabbages.
- In order to fulfil your
mission statement you must come up with a number of tasks or goals to achieve the mission statement. E.g. 1. Buy all the cabbages
in Tesco and house them in your shed. 2. Refuse to eat cabbages by planning a sit-in. And so forth.
- Come up with at least two
random phrases to do with your shrine. E.g. The cabbage clan is here to save you, Doc. These phrases should be randomly shouted
out at the cinema, on the train, in biology lessons etc. to give the most effect.
- Spread the word of your
motion by preaching to fellow people in public places. Instead you can walk up to random people who are smaller than you (for
your own safety) and whisper in their ear cabbages then walk away, leaving them intrigued by what you have just told them.
Keep going up to this person until they finally ask you what the hell you are on about and hey presto! You have a new follower!
- Remember to write down everything
to do with your motion in your notebook. If anyone who isnt a follower touches your notebook, get in a massive stress and
curse them by telling them that the shrine/leader of your motion will get them and they will never rest. E.g. The cabbage
boss will haunt you and your family until they can rest in the peace of all the cabbages. Aha! It is you! Cabbage killer!
Then hold up your book in front of you and spin around screaming Cabbages shall save us from the depths of the darkness! Oh
holy ones! Then fall to the floor and start shaking, whispering cabbages, must save them from himnocabbages
- You can add more things
to your motion to make it more interesting. E.g. look back to point 3. You now like balloons so you follow points 5,6,7,8
to add to your motion. Phrase: balloon-filled cabbage patches etc.
You can continue to make your religion as mad as possible. Yet be warned.
Some people may not agree with your new motion so be careful whom you choose as followers. And beware of Him
Anywho, take care of yourselves and each other.
Mmmm balloon-filled cabbage patches. Save the cabbages. The cabbage king
rules all and the green cabbage-like balloons will take us to the land of cabbages to save us from societies cruel rules and
regulations. Follow us in order to save yourselves from him. He must not destroy them no not the cabbages no
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